The Relationships Pillars - Looks
Geplaatst op 09-02-2023
This article was originally published at Loveawake dating site blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.
What do women want? This is an eternal question, one that has spawned countless speeches, books, movies, and (mostly crappy) poetry over the span of thousands of years. Yet today the majority of men seem no closer to the answer than their predecessors. Most just chalk it up to “the mystery of women”…but does it have to be that way?
It’s true that women’s attraction cues are more complex than men’s. Men are wired to respond to physical cues: a pretty face and a slender, hourglass figure. And women know it. While women do respond to men’s looks, that’s nowhere near the whole equation. In fact, predicting what attracts any specific girl is nearly impossible. A pattern only emerges when you consider women as a whole.
I’m not going to pretend I’m some great, original thinker on the subject. I’ve read a lot, both research and opinion. I’ve also conducted a ton of, mmm, “in field” experimentation. Altogether, I feel that I have a pretty good and fairly unique understanding of the subject.
So again, what do women want? For me, it breaks down to an interplay between four factors, ie the Pillars of Female Attraction: Looks, Wealth, Status, and Game. You can break down any female attraction mechanism into one of those categories.
And I will. So without further ado…
Part 1: Looks
Looks is the first pillar of female attraction. Looks is defined by the attractiveness of a man’s face and body (style excluded). I’m starting with looks because they’re the first thing women will evaluate you on and they absolutely matter. They’re not everything, but they absolutely matter.
At the most fundamental level, humans are hardwired to appreciate beauty. In fact, studies show that beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Looks are a means of evaluating a person’s mating fitness, ie the health of the person and the quality of their genes. Beauty is not just a random tweak of evolution; beauty is a very real indicator of health and genetic fitness. More attractive people are more likely to produce healthy, genetically “superior” offspring. This means women are programmed to evaluate a man’s physical attractiveness as part of how they select a mate.
Consider for a moment the famous figures that women (generally) swoon over. Brad Pitt. George Clooney. Justin Beiber (for the tweeners). Even with famous sports figures, the best looking guys get the most female attention regardless of their actual ability (I’m looking at you, David Beckham). For the doubters, let’s flip that around: how many women have you ever heard stating any sexual interest in a morbidly obese guy? *crickets*. Yep. So I’m sure I’m telling no one anything new when I say women prefer good-looking men.
So how does this translate into real-life considerations and applications?
First Impressions Are EVERYTHING.
A woman will decide whether you’ve got a chance or not in the first 30 seconds, and that first impression is nigh unto impossible to change. If you’re good looking, you’re more likely to receive a favorable first impression. This gives you a larger pool of possible dating opportunities to draw from, thus increasing your overall chances of success.
Perk: Visceral Desire
Women being more receptive to you is not the only benefit. If you’re good looking, particularly with a good body, women will viscerally want you. True desire cannot be negotiated. Women don’t bang rich guys because they’re physically attracted to them; they bang them for the financial reward (or promise thereof). In other words, it’s a commercial transaction, and money will never bring out a woman’s animalistic freaky-deaky nature.
I’m not a super muscular guy. I’m tall and ripped (6’1”, 178lbs, 7+ years of weight training. For all the haters, I’m an ectomorph, so shut it), but that seems to be enough. I’ve had plenty of women gush about how they love my body. I’ve even had a few who had difficulty keeping their hands off me. I’m living proof that you don’t need to look like Schwarzenegger. In fact, I would argue that getting to that level is not only unnecessary, but actually counterproductive: the amount of time you spend beyond getting to a general level of muscular fitness would be better spent working on other aspects of female attraction. The law of diminishing returns and the Pareto Principle rule all!
It’s not all unicorns and rainbows once you’re good looking, however. While your life will be easier, two new problems in particular will crop up.
Women’s expectations will be higher. Basically, they expect you to have your alphaness together. Extreme displays of betatude will be met with higher than usual amounts of scorn. For a comparison, consider what you would think if a respected professor suddenly threw a kicking, screaming tantrum on the floor. Your opinion of him would plummet. However, if the bum on the corner did that, you probably would just take pictures and laugh about it. You have high expectations for the former, but not the latter.
Women’s responses to you will be different from how they respond to other guys. Obviously, if you’re good looking you’ll get better responses on average. However, you’ll also have to deal with women who don’t feel worthy of you. This plays usually plays out in one of two ways: testing, or shyness.
A woman might not think you’re attainable so she’ll start testing you to gauge her chances. If you like a woman who is doing this, be extra careful: she’s looking to see if SHE is worthy, not test to see how alpha you are. This is not the time for cocky jokes and negs. Instead, make sure she knows you like her and that you’re feeling the connection. Of course, it’s not always easy to know when a woman is testing your alphaness vs testing your interest. A girl who you think is a 6 might consider herself a 9, and as such is giving you alpha tests. On the other hand, the 8 might have been a fatty and then lost weight, so she doesn’t think highly of herself (yet) and is worried you’re just toying with her. Unfortunately, the only way to get a good grasp on this is experience.
The other way unworthiness can play out is through shyness. This is the hardest one for me because it’s so similar to disinterest. A girl who is being shy is so focused on not making an idiot of herself that she gives you very little positive feedback. She doesn’t hold a lot of eye contact, she doesn’t talk much, doesn’t laugh too hard at your jokes, doesn’t touch you, etc. Like I said, it’s very similar to disinterest, and the only way to find out if its disinterest or shyness is to simply plow through until she blows you off or becomes comfortable enough that she reciprocates. Honestly, it’s a pain.
What You Need To Do About It
You’re stuck with your face (barring plastic surgery), but your body is adaptable. It’s also arguably the more important of the two since it’s a TON easier to exert dominance (and thus get her attracted) when you’re larger than the woman. A pretty face will get you attention, but muscularity will get your clothes ripped off. Seriously. I’ve personally seen it happen (unfortunately, not to me).
With that in mind, go lift some weights. Notice, I didn’t say cardio. Or rhumba. Or dance aerobics. I said “weights”. Remember those Greek and Roman history classes you took in school? Yah, I don’t either. So google statues from that period. See a common trend with all the male statues? They’re all JACKED. Even the younger ones are still muscularly slender. The female ideal of male beauty hasn’t changed in ten thousand years, which means it’s highly unlikely to change in your lifetime.
Stop making excuses, and get yourself to the gym. In terms of Return on Investment, there is very little you can do with a better bang for your buck.
But the Most Important Aspect of Good Looks is…
…how they flatten your learning curve by more quickly giving you more experience with women. This is essentially the total value of all the other points, but it’s an important point to note. Your approaches are more likely to find a receptive audience, women will be more inclined to stay in conversations with you, and they will also be more willing to accept your advances. Who got the most female attention in highschool? The best looking (including the most athletic) guys, which is how they developed better-than-average skills with women. Being good-looking means you will build your social and dating skills faster than normal guys.